UrbanDaddies

Loving that the Ultimate Blog Party includes Dads

admin — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 18:26:54 +0000

UrbanDaddies is more magazine than blog, but we are loving the inclusion of dads into the mainstream for the Ultimate Blog Party. First, our editor is a woman. But our writers are guys, and our philosophy is that we are all in this parenting thing together. We all need to be the best, coolest, funkiest adults possible in order to give our kids a great upbringing. And if we are unhappy and lose ourselves, that doesn’t do anyone any good. Great to connect with you all and we’re always looking for guest posts!

xx Jill and the UrbanDaddies team

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Why going to the strip club isn’t such a bad thing for your marriage.

admin — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 17:16:55 +0000

I’ll be honest; I’ve never been a big fan of strip clubs. They’re usually expensive, seedy and, worst of all, the chance of taking a stripper home, at least for me, are zero to less than zero. For other average guys like me the chances are about the same.

Here’s the thing though; the fantasy that a strip club can create in a man’s mind (and some womens minds to be sure) can be very powerful and can be something that helps out greatly when that same man is home with his wife. Don’t agree with me? Let me explain my thinking.

Since we’re being honest, let’s all agree that, after a lot of years together, most marriages can get a little stale, especially in the bedroom. Yes, sex is not the most important thing in a marriage but, in fact, it is important. It’s also important to realize that, if a person’s sexual desires aren’t being met, the chance that someone will stray increases greatly. The fact is, a stale marriage and unfulfilled desires can only lead to marital disaster.

But a strip club can be a way to fulfill some of those desires and indeed create a spark that sometimes brings a hot flow of new life to a married couple’s relationship. Indeed many men that have gone to a strip club with their spouse have reported that not only was their desire aroused but their wife’s as well, leading to new fireworks in the bedroom.

Many men who have problems with E.D. also report that going to a strip club has actually helped them at home. The powerful effects that being naked next to a young, nubile stripper have on a man’s libido can, if treated with respect, translate into real change in a marriage both in an out of the bedroom. Who knows, it may even be better than marriage counseling.

Why technology and gadgets are good for your kids.

admin — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 17:14:29 +0000

Today there are more and more technology based toys than ever making their way to the toy aisle at your local department store. The LeapPad 2 and Innotab 2 learning tablets, for example, give kids something very similar to a tablet that they can use to learn about many things, including how to use a tablet computer.

Some people, ‘experts’ included, think that there may be too much reliance on technology and that the play value of many toys these days isn’t as valuable as it was years ago. Some think that, just like with TV, our children are staring at a screen more than they actually physically play outside and get some much needed physical exercise.

While this might be true in some ways the simple fact is that, as they get older, nearly all children will be introduced to technology in school, then college and then in the ‘real’ world. This will be in the form of computers that they will need to study, write reports and then use to make a living. Cell phones, apps, tablets and laptops are in their future also.

Knowing this, isn’t it a good idea to introduce them to this technology at an early age? My 13 year old, for example, already knows how to make a PowerPoint presentation and has for several years. I know 40 year olds who don’t know how to do that, including his mother. He also knows how to make a mean Lego apartment building so I know he’s not spending too much time in front of a TV, tablet or smart phone.

In any society the people who know how to make the most out of the latest technology are usually the ones who do the best, make the most money and have the most success. If letting our children play with technology gives them an edge I think it’s well worth it, especially for the parent who can make sure that they know how to use it well.

The top 15 things a woman can do to include dad once the baby is born

admin — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 17:12:44 +0000

Many men don’t really ever bond with their children when they’re babies and that’s a shame. Mothers, in most cases, bond because they are with their new babies, at least for the first few weeks and months, 24/7 cleaning, feeding and caring for them. Dad, even if he works at home, can sometimes be left out of the loop.

For the mother who wants to help include the new dad and the new dad who wants to be more included, we offer the Top 15 things that a woman can do to include Daddy once baby is born.

Let Dad help feed baby at night. Feeding is fundamental to all babies and Dad, once breastfeeding is officially over, will get a lot of alone time with baby.
Teach Dad how to change a diaper. Sure it’s icky and stinky but it can also be a lot of fun once the poo is in the trash can.
Get dad a baby harness. If you have a home that needs a lot of maintenance dad can strap baby on while he does it and get in some excellent face time.
Let dad take a bath with baby. It’s easier than in a baby sink and very relaxing for both
Play games together with baby on the floor and let Dad be in charge.
Have a staring contest. Babies can stare like nobody’s business. Dad will love it!
Read. Anything at all, just read. It can be a magazine or the wall street journal, baby doesn’t care as long as Dad’s voice is saying the words.
Let Dad feed baby hard food. This can be very trying and / or very fun. And usually both.
Bounce baby on your knees, Dad. Babies love that.
Let Dad take care of baby when she’s sick. This can be a powerful reminder of how fragile they are.
Allow baby to really touch your face (but be careful if you have a beard or mustache!).
Take lots of pictures! Dad, if you’re a camera buff now’s your time to shine.
Let dad and baby take a nap together.
Dad and baby can sit together on a rocking chair and rock for a while.
Carry baby on your shoulders (if they can hold up their head) and play ‘horse’. (Dads make the best horses.)

Reasons why you don’t need valium when your daughter starts dating.

admin — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 17:10:27 +0000

My daughter is almost 16 and, in my opinion, is a very mature and respectful young woman. I consider myself lucky because I have met some of her friends and they all seem to still be little girls whereas Catherine, while she still acts like a girl on occasion, acts more like an adult every day.

I’ve already spoken to her frankly about sex, just like my mother did to me. In fact, my mother talked to me about sex about 5 years before I actually started having sex. I thought that was very helpful to me as I went through High School and then college and I wanted to be able to help my daughter the same way.

Indeed she already has had a boyfriend and, although they are not ‘together’ anymore, I met the young man several times and actually spent time with them together and found that neither of them was thinking about having sex yet. (Yes, I did give a big sigh of relief.)

The truth is, humans are programmed to procreate, just like any other animal. The only thing we can do as parents is be open with our kids, tell them that we care and offer them advice. I’ve seen parents try to keep their kids, especially their daughters, under lock & chain but it always seems to backfire. I don’t want to worry that my daughter will make a mistake so I get up my nerve and talk to her, even though it makes both of us just a little uncomfortable.

Sex Ed is taught in most High Schools these days but it does nothing to prepare teens for the actual mental confusion that they will inevitably face. Rather than let my daughter, and my son, go through these trying times without real guidance I have taken the time to talk to them and do my best to educate them.

They’re both going to make mistakes because making mistakes is a part of life. The way I see it, I can help them keep those mistakes to a minimum with just a little communication. I also have told them many times that if they do make a mistake they can always come to me for help. In my humble opinion that’s about the best that I can do.

Secrets of Happy Families

Jason — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 02:00:24 +0000

The quality of your home and family life is something that makes or breaks your happiness quotient: if your home life is in the pits, it colors everything else you do negatively, and the opposite is true. You see some families that appear genuinely happy, and others…well, not so much. What are the secrets of happy families, and how can you put those secrets into use to help make YOUR family a happier one?

Making Traditions…and Memories. Family traditions and rituals are some of the best ways to bond your family through unique shared experiences. Family movie or game nights, special dinners, particular phrases, and other things that only your family does creates an “us” view that encourages sharing, trust, and great memories. If you don’t have any, start some! It’s as simple as declaring Wednesday “Pancake Night” or always tucking in and saying goodnight to your kids a certain way.

Have Family Dinners (or lunches or breakfasts). The family dinner used to be the staple of the day for the older generation, and it’s one that has unfortunately begun to be less and less common in this day and age. Everyone sitting down together at the table and sharing a meal, conversation, and experiences fosters trust and familiarity, and gives everyone a chance to take a break from their separate lives and exist as a family unit. Even if you can’t do it every night, make sure you and yours spend at least a couple of nights a week facing each other over some food, so you can catch up with each other, laugh with and support each other as a unit.

Play Together. Whether it’s board or card games, touch football, or hide and seek, playing as as family bonds and makes memories.

Cheer Each Other On. Rather than leaving the other kids at home while you go to Junior or Jane’s soccer games or band events, bring them along! Every child should have a cheering section, and knowing that you have a group of people encouraging and rooting for you at every turn is great for self esteem and for creating stronger bondsd as a family.

Get Hands-On. My family is very touchy-feely, always hugging, tickling, tackling, and kissing. Yours may be more reserved, but there is almost never a bad time to give a hug, a pat on the back, or a quick peck. Physical contact bonds people, and if your kids are used to positive physical affection, they are more likely to be physically demonstrative themselves, passing on the love to the next generation.

Laugh. A Lot. It’s impossible to stay mad when you’re laughing. Try not to take life so seriously: rather than getting upset about your kids coating themselves in flour while trying to make cookies, try laughing about it instead. Laughter is the best medicine, and it is definitely better than yelling for the blood pressure and mood.

At the end of the day, the secrets of happy families are simple: spend time together and show each other you care. If you can manage those two things, you will be among the lucky ones.

Positive Reinforcement: What NOT to Say to Your Kids, and Why

Jason — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 00:57:08 +0000

We’ve all been there: you’re tired, frustrated, busy, maybe hungry…and the kids just. Won’t. Stop. Whether it’s sibling bickering, demands for things or attention, or putting out fires (literally or figuratively), being a parent is not always a fun job, and sometimes we say the wrong things in the heat of the moment. Although it’s never going to be possible to be perfect, it’s possible to make changes and go for more positive reinforcement and learning what NOT to say to your kids.

“I’m Busy!”. Or, “Leave me alone!” or “Don’t bother me!”. These phrases, although usually said innocently in a fervent moment of desiring privacy in the bathroom, on the phone, or whatever, can wreak havoc on your kids’ self esteem. Why? Because little guys and girls don’t understand the why, they just understand that, apparently, you don’t have time for them, don’t want them around, and don’t care about them and their needs at that moment. If kids hear these phrases frequently, they can start internalizing these feelings and a pattern is set for the future, a pattern that means they don’t feel like they can come to you, or that you don’t care. Rather than exploding every time you need a moment, try to have less of those moments. Get your kids used to seeing you take time for yourself. Try to tap into a support network, where your spouse or other parents can help share the burden of childcare and give you some breathing room. Set realistic expectations about how well your children can entertain themselves, and try to keep your important “me” stuff to certain times and places, lessening the chances that your kids will interrupt you frequently. And most of all, make sure they know that you’re not rejecting them and that you’ll always be there for them: instead of saying, “Leave me alone!” tell them, “Dad is in the middle of something right now, sweetheart.”

Labeling. Again, this is one thing that is hard NOT to do, expecially if you have multiple children. “You’re so…” or “Why aren’t you like so-and-so” or “Why are you like that..:” can be seriously damaging to a child’s budding self image. By labeling a child as a klutz, or lazy, or shy, or even positive labels like smart or funny, you are basically pigeonholing your offspring…and that shouldn’t happen. A far better approach is to address the specific behavior and leave the adjectives about your child’s personality out of it. For example, “Katie’s feelings were hurt when you told everyone not to play with her. How can we make her feel better?”

“Don’t be a baby” or “Don’t cry”. Remember this: you’re not a child anymore, and you have long forgotten what it’s like to be one in many ways. Kids, especially toddlers and young children, are constantly learning things and being exposed to new and often scary experiences every day, and by telling them to “grow up” or “don’t be a baby”, you’re invalidating their feelings. Rather than deny that your child feels a particular way — when he obviously does — acknowledge the emotion up front. “It must make you really sad when Jason says he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore.” “Yes, the waves sure can be scary when you’re not used to them. But we’ll just stand here together and let them tickle our feet. I promise I won’t let go of your hand.”By naming the real feelings that your child has, you’ll give him the words to express himself — and you’ll show him what it means to be empathetic. Ultimately, he’ll cry less and describe his emotions instead.

Comparing them to their siblings or other kids. It might seem helpful to hold out a sibling or friend as a shining example. “Look how well Sam zips his coat,” you might say. Or “Jenna’s using the potty already, so why can’t you do that too?” But comparisons almost always backfire. Your child is herself, not Sam or Jenna. It’s natural for parents to compare their kids, to look for a frame of reference about their milestones or their behavior, say experts. But don’t let your child hear you doing it. Kids develop at their own pace and have their own temperament and personality. Comparing your child to someone else implies that you wish yours were different. Nor does making comparisons help change behavior. Being pressured to do something she’s not ready for (or doesn’t like to do) can be confusing to a little kid and can undermine her self-confidence. She’s also likely to resent you and resolve not to do what you want, in a test of wills. Instead, encourage her current achievements: “Wow, you put both arms in your coat all by yourself!” Or “Thanks for telling me your diaper needs changing.”

Dads Play Important Role in Combating Childhood Obesity

Jason — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 02:39:08 +0000

Research has shown that dads are much more likely to engage in active physical play with their preschoolers than mums. Physical activity not only helps children develop self- confidence and a healthy body image, but also directly links with brain development. Dads play an important role in combating childhood obesity.Obesity is a growing problem all over the world. A recent US government report on the issue revealed that the rate of obesity over the past 30 years has more than doubled for preschool children ages 2 to 5 and adolescents ages 12 to 19. In addition, the obesity rate has more than tripled for children ages 6 to 11. Accordingly, the prevention of childhood obesity is quickly becoming a national public health priority. The condition carries with it a number of serious health implications, including an increased risk for developing diabetes and other chronic conditions.

It’s everyone’s job to help fight childhood obesity, but male caregivers specifically have an important role in active physical play with their children; they tend to deal with children in the physical arena, engaging in rough and tumble play, sports, and other activities. Learning to take risks, within safe limits, transfers to other learning situations.

“The first 5 years is the time when the brain is developing rapidly and learning pathways are being formed,” says Sophie Foster, co-author of a new book ‘Move Baby Move’.

Your kids are more likely to be active if YOU are active. So set an example. Let them see you exercising, eating right, and making healthy choices.

Include them! Sure, you can hit the gym with your older kids, but it’s really simple to incorporate fitness and fun into your daily like with your children. Hiking, playing sports, walks or jogs around the neighborhood, etc., are all great ways to get the kids up and moving. Is it sunny outside? Grab a ball and toss it around. Not only is it good for all parties involved in the physical realm, it’s also great bonding time.

Encourage them, positively. Without being too hardcore, encourage your kids to get up and get moving. Do they want a new video game? Try getting a Wii or other action-focused game or gaming system. Enroll them in sorts or other activities, such as dance or martial arts. When you’re out and about, take the stairs instead of the escalator or elevator when possible. All the little things count!

Why Dad Parenting Styles Work

Jason — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 01:15:42 +0000

I’ve always been the “fun dad,” and I find that my fellow fathers often fall under that heading, too. Everyone knows that dads have a different parenting style than moms do: we tend to be more rough-and-tumble, messier, more impulse, less “rule”-driven. These differences can sometimes mean head-butting with mom–sometimes they think we take things too far, or not seriously enough. But research and common sense shows that different parenting styles are best for kids, and that there is no “wrong” way to parent. Here is why dad parenting styles work, and how you can make the most of being the fun dad, for yourself and your kids.

Let Them Take Risks.“Don’t let her go so fast!” “Don’t let him run, he could fall down and hurt himself!” Etc. These are the admonitions of concerned moms, often shouted while you’re having a blast with your child. Researchers theorize that the physical, protective bond formed between mother and child in utero, characterized by the mom giving up “risky” behaviors for the benefit of her baby, makes mothers more cautious parents. However, slightly risky activities serve a purpose in child development: without learning about risks and consequences, children can’t learn to make good decisions.

“If kids don’t experience somewhat risky physical fun, it might make them more cautious and less willing to try things they haven’t quite mastered yet,” Kyle Pruett, Ph.D., says. Dr. Pruett is a clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University and is the author of Fatherneed: Why Father Care Is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child. “You have to fall down in order to learn to ice-skate. If you’re afraid of falling down, you won’t learn.”

Trust Your Instincts. Many moms dive headfirst into books and other resources, determined to be the “best” parent they can. Sometimes this translates into a form of “anal retentiveness” about taking expert advice. But dads? We are often fly by the seat of our pants type parents, who don’t mind doing things “wrong” occasionally, as long as the kids are happy and healthy. Sure, there are times and places to trust the experts, but we also have to learn how to trust our instincts. We know our kids and what they need, and a lot of what experts say is right or wrong is a matter of opinion. Ask yourself, is your child hurt by your decision to do or not do something? Is he or she happy and well? Then don’t sweat the small stuff.

Prepare Them for the Future. Many moms will drop whatever they are doing to rush to their child the moment there’s a hint of a sniffle, sneeze, or whatever. Dads, however, often wait longer, letting the child sort themselves out emotionally. This technique is actually very useful in child development: not only is self-soothing necessary, it also teaches the child boundaries and limits.

So when Mom gets frustrated at the differences in your parenting styles, point out the positive points that “dad-style” can bring.

Tips for Success for Blended Families

Jason — Wed, 22 Aug 2012 06:03:06 +0000

The statistics for marriage aren’t terribly encouraging–the average rate of marriages ending in divorce is sitting at around 50%. But what about subsequent relationships? Well, those have an even higher rate of failure: 60% of marriages, especially those that blend families from previous relationships, end in divorce. We all know that it is hard to put together two sets of kids and parents with a lot of history and potential for conflicts, but no one enters a marriage intending for it to end. What are some tips for success for blended families? Here is some practical advice to making the transition easier and smoother.

Become Informed

Learn as much as possible about marriage, parenting and how to blend a family.

Read books, browse the Internet, use audio and video tools.
Attend a workshop or conference on marriage, parenting or how to blend a family at least once a year.

Acknowledge and Mourn Losses

There are losses of all kinds: the dream of a successful marriage, opportunity to

raise your own children from birth, finances, stability, friends, familiar surroundings, daily contact with both parents, etc.
Acknowledge that all family members will have experienced significant losses prior to the new family and need an opportunity to grieve them.
Children often need to be invited to talk about concerns. They may prefer to talk
with someone other than the parent. Respect this, and allow it.

Have Realistic Expectations

Instant love and adjustment is not realistic.
It may take 4 to 7 years to go through the stages of stepfamily development.
Step relationships will never be the same as biological relationships.
It’s OK not to love your stepchildren.
Do not compare family success to a first marriage model.

Be Unified as a Couple

Put your marriage first.
View time alone together as a necessity.
Children benefit from the model of a happy relationship.
Do not disagree in front of the children – decide in private.

Form Satisfactory Step-Relationships

Stepparents who define their role with stepchildren as sort of an “aunt” or “uncle”
type of relationship are usually the most satisfied.
It is the biological parents’ responsibility to take care of, and discipline, their children.
Loyalty conflicts are common, and step-relatives do not have to love each other.
At first, it is best to let the biological parent discipline.

Develop New Traditions and Rituals

Be creative developing traditions specific to the new family.
Children may need to hang on to some past traditions that were meaningful.
Work out innovative ways of dealing with transitions such as holidays or visits.

Get Support

Find a supportive church, or other faith based environment.
Find or organize a Stepfamily Support Group.
Obtain help from a professional, trained in stepfamily issues, as needed.